Raising Girls Today to be Strong

Resurrecting an old blog.

It's been years since I've added to this blog -- I'm no longer a pastor, now I'm back working with the family civil engineering company. God has released me from the pastoral ministry, and now I'm focusing on my family.

Now that I'm not a pastor anymore, I feel a little more free to share some ideas and thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for the last few years. Instead of starting a new blog, I decided to renew the old one, so that the record can continue.

Right now I'm staying home from Church with my daughter who has an earache. She's watching cartoons so I slipped into the office to write a bit.

I have four children now, and three of them are girls. This culture can be a tough place for girls, especially with so many things changing so rapidly. As a father I care a lot about what they will grow into, but as a male I have a hard time knowing what they will face. As my wife and I talk about it, she is struggling as well, because the "role model" of what a mature women should be is so undefined.

I wish I could just set them free to grow naturally into the most mature, amazing versions of themselves they can be, but I know that there will always be pressure to become something, if not from us as parents, then by default the news, media, and peer pressure will do the shaping. The truth is that is there is no "neutral environment" to raise kids in, so we have to be purposeful about where to aim our kids.

Picture in your head for me an ideal mature man. Some things will be slightly different depending on your experience and personality, but for the most part healthy "manliness" is pretty well defined in history and in stories. He's the hero. Personalities of the hero are unique, but the same basic elements are there. For storytelling purposes the hero usually has a flaw, but the story clearly shows the flaw, and shows how the hero overcomes it.

Now picture the ideal woman. What does she look like? What is important to her? What are her ideas, values, thoughts? What are her flaws?

It's not so clear-cut. Different people will have different ideas. Some will view attributes as ideal, while an equal number would say those are flaws.

And to complicate things even more, should we view the heroine as internally strong primarily (that is she is able to be "ideal" even when it is contrary to  society), or should she also be able to excel at the social competition as well?

Is the ideal woman submissive? What does that even mean?

Should she be a rule follower? Should she be well behaved?

How should she interact with men who are not as strong (mentally, physically, or spiritually) as her? Should she limit herself to not intimidate them? Should she only be around men who can "keep up" with her?

What about other women who are not as strong? Should she limit herself to not intimidate them? Should she only be friends with women who can keep up with her?

See, us males don't really have to think about that. Be as strong as you can be, but don't be a jerk or a bully. Society rewards strong men in their arenas. It's simple.

Is all this fair? Of course not. Should it be this way? No. Is it this way? Why yes, yes it is.

What can I do about it? Change society of course. How do I change it? From my own home. With my own children. I teach my son what it means to be a man to the best of my understanding, and I teach my daughters to be a woman to the best of my understanding.

The problem is that I have a better understanding of what I want my son to be.