Love, Respect, and Trust: A new perspective on relationships

Traditionally, a lot of emphasis has been placed on the need for trust in a relationship. Recently, a lot of people are evaluating their relationships in terms of love or respect. I believe that you cannot love without respect, but you can love without trust.

When determining such an important question in our lives, who better for us to look to than the example of Jesus Christ? While the Sunday-school version of Jesus appears to be an all-patient, all-trusting gentleman, a closer look at his relationships reveals a whole different story.

Did Jesus really trust his disciples?

              At the last supper, Jesus introduced the idea that the disciples weren’t trustworthy.  “I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me.” (John 13:21). Even though Jesus answered the question of who he was speaking about, attention was shifted to Peter, who most vehemently denied ever betraying Jesus. Jesus’ answer was firm: Even Peter would betray Jesus.
              Yet in Jesus’ distrust of his disciples – even knowing without a doubt that they would betray him – Jesus still had loving, healthy relationships. The disciples had the purest example of love demonstrated that very night, with Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:14).

              How is it possible to have a relationship of any sort without trust? Jesus demonstrates respect to his disciples. In Luke 22, right in the middle of the discussion on betrayal, Jesus tells them: “And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel” (22:29,30). Even though the disciples aren’t trustworthy, Jesus promises them a place of honor and respect in his kingdom.

It turns out the Bible has a lot to say about trusting in anyone other than God:

•  “But man, despite his riches, does not endure; he is like the beasts that perish. This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings.” (Ps. 49:13)
• “It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.  It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.” (Ps. 118:8,9)
•  “Beware of your friends; do not trust your brothers. For every brother is a deceiver, and every friend a slanderer.” (Jer. 9:4)
•  “Your brothers, your own family— even they have betrayed you; they have raised a loud cry against you. Do not trust them, though they speak well of you.” (Jer. 12:6)
•  ”Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.” (Michah 7:5)
• “He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.” (Prov. 28:26)
• “Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?” (Isa. 2:22)
• “This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man . . .” (Jer. 17:5)

  On the other hand, the Bible is a lot more positive about respecting others:

• “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” (Rom. 13:7)
• “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph. 5:33)
• “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect . . .” (1 Pet. 3:7)
• “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.” (Eph. 6:5)
• “And masters, treat your slaves in the same way.” (Eph. 6:9)
• “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” (1 Thes. 4:12)
• “Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.” (1 Thes. 5:12)
• “Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect . . .” (1 Tim. 3:8)
• “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect . . .” (1 Tim. 3:11)
• “Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” (1 Pet. 17)
• “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Pet. 3:15)

       As a Pastor, I prefer that people don’t trust me as a leader. I need to be a man worthy of respect, and the office of pastor warrants respect and honor, but I want people to put their trust in God, not me. I want people to search the scriptures for themselves, and not simply trust my interpretation of it.
       I have had many good, strong, healthy relationships with people I do not trust. The strongest relationships are built upon respecting them for who God made them to be, and honoring them for being made in the image of God.

For more information, download the sermon:
Sermon on Respect and Trust